Love Behind the Scenes.

It’s moments like these that I realize life is so much more than problems and hard times. I realize it’s more than wondering what’s coming next or worrying about tomorrow. As I’m in the kitchen trying out my newest experiment off the food network, I gaze outside and see two people I’ve underestimated almost my entire life. They sit there on the swing looking out over our backyard as the dogs play and laze around them. Its been over twenty five years since they met and they still enjoy each others company. His hair is a little grayer and time has aged their looks, but they are still two people who changed each other’s lives. My parents worked hard all their life to give me a better future and here I sit twenty four years old- out of college still working in retail. But even though this is true I know I’m not a disappointment to them. I always thought they could have been different or our lives could have been better growing up. I had always thought that I never wanted to turn out like them. I didn’t think their lives were exciting or full of passion. But as I look out the kitchen window and see how they’ve pulled through each obstacle of life together I realize I would be darn lucky to have what they have. They both worked full time, without degrees my entire childhood and never once did I go with out anything. And as the news of my dad’s cancer hit us all back in February we all began to reexamine our lives. I can only wonder how he feels sometimes. I wonder how she feels. About a month ago, mom and I went to pick up pizzas and outside we saw this very old couple walking to their car. Both had canes and moved as fast as snails. My mother commented on them and smiled, but then she said, “I might not have my love that long.” I quickly shot down her comment, but till this day I think about those words and what our world would be like without him. And when I look at them out there on that swing I know they have something special.

Wishes and Dreams

I sometimes pretend I'm in a different place.

Not too far away from home, but just far enough to be free and lost in a different world.

When I was younger, I saw life from a different perspective. I thought differently and wanted different things. I find it so crazy that as an adult the worries of money and future creep in more and more with each passing day. I know when I'm lost in my imagination I feel like I'm flying and I'm on my own high that I can't explain to anyone.

Music helps take me to these places much faster and I just get lost in all the beautiful fantasies that help me see a better version of myself. Maybe that is why I dream so many different realities and find such satisfaction in these moments.

In my dreams I'm this confident woman that is smart and clever. I can do things that otherwise in reality I find impossible. I'm the heroine in every scene. I live and breathe different air that fills my lungs with this magical atmosphere that gives me strength.

I find it hard to pick a profession. In some ways I just wish something would just fall into my lap. I wish God would just say "Here you go! This is what you are going to do for the rest of your life." But honestly where is the fun in that? I guess I lack patience. I lack a lot of things I'm learning, but I try not to let that keep me down.

Maybe I just need to find the excitement in reality. It seems we don't do that enough as people. So many people go through life earning a living and we fail to see the joy in the small things. I know I've probably written about such things in the past, but it seems to be constantly on my mind the past two years. I jump from one passion to another- if I was even passionate about anything in the first place. I find myself to be quite lazy most of the time. And maybe thats the deep problem right there.

I'm thankful God is always there. He brings me peace that I can't find anywhere else.