Finding my Happy.

Someone once told me “You can be anything you want to be.” I was firm believer in this statement for years, and to some extent deep in my heart it rings true to my imagination. But when you’re 24 years old- a year out of college, working part time at a job that can only pay your car payment and the occasional starbucks drink to induce self esteem- not to mention the other pending bills of health insurance, car insurance and the ever so fantastic student loans that suddenly decided to grace you with their presence; you realize that your life has consisted of years of spending and now its finally time to start repaying. Being anything you want to be doesn’t seem too grad anymore. It’s all about the bills. Well, that’s what my parents keep telling me at least. I made the mistake a couple days ago of telling my mom “I’ll take on my cell phone bill, and it will be okay if I drop my health insurance for a while.” I didn’t understand at first why she got so upset. It all made sense to me. I know lots of people without health insurance and their doing fine. The mere fact that I cherish my cell phone over doctor visits rings true to my generation. And what a beautiful and lazy generation I dwell in. No wonder my parents often look at me with confusion when I mention not settling but can’t seem to find a job to pay the bills. No wonder their confused. Maybe I’m the one thoroughly confused. Yes ladies and gentlemen it’s me.
I looked into the whole grad school thing, and wasn’t quite sure where to go with that. In a bad economy going back to school seems like the best idea when jobs are scarce. That’s until you meet your grad school loans. “Hello, nice to meet you!” Ha no. Oh the beauty of loans and how they haunt. “You think you’re in debt now” someone told me, “Oh honey, don’t get caught up in grad school if you’re just doing it to avoid the job market!” Yeah of course I fell into that one. I tried the whole online school thing. It seemed easy from the brochure. Note to self: never trust the brochure. I mean what wouldn’t be easy about going to school from home? It’s probably easy for many but somehow I managed to get sick of it unbelievably fast. And you wouldn’t believe how sold out I was to go in the first place. I think that’s one of my flaws right there. Everything seems to perfect and glamorous on paper or when I see other people doing great things. What I tend to do is blind myself to the blood, sweat, tears and years that go into dreams being accomplished. I sometimes expect life to be like that genie from Aladdin. They’ll be jokes and songs and in the end I’ll get to fly on a magic carpet with someone who loves me for me. Thanks Disney for that dream of the ever unattainable happily ever after. You’ve put a dream in my head that will never be truly filled except though the occasional day dream- but even then I am done no justice at all! How dare you Disney how dare you.
But what if there is a happily ever after and we just forget to see it or even mention it because our minds are too consumed with bills, bills, and other worries to step outside, let alone even think outside the box. I believe in happily ever afters. Well maybe not the Disney kind but the REAL kind-the happily ever afters that build character, and the sunsets that never fade. Because happiness is more than finding prince charming, it’s about finding out who we are and discovering contentment in the most unimaginable ways. Maybe that’s what life is all about. Maybe I can be anything I want to be. Maybe all those people are right? What’s next is highly foggy in my mind. All I can say is brace yourself world- I’m coming for my happily ever after.